Week of 10 July

The first meeting of our new Rotary year was a planning meeting and an orientation meeting to the new directors.  President Paul Weston listed some of the projects planned for the coming year, and Vocational Services director Ian Jennings described his portfolio and some of his plans for the year.  John Glassford, the District Governor Elect (DGE) for District 9700,  provided an update on plans for the district changeover which will take place in one year’s time in Coolamon or Ganmain.  The meeting concluded with a brief fine session and meat raffle.  Our next meeting will be a continuation of this meeting, with further elaboration of plans for the coming year and description of the portfolios and plans of additional directors.  This is meant to be the last bulletin edited President Paul, who will be handing off duties of bulletin editor to Julie Clark.

On the lighter side

Rotary humour

It is common practice to expect new Rotarians to give a talk to their fellow Rotarians about themselves, their early life, their training and their job. Later in Rotary life the Rotarian is often expected to fill the speaker diary by giving a talk which is NOT connected with his or her work.  A hobby such as stamp collecting or model trains would be a good example.

Fred arrived at the meeting of his Rotary club to be reminded that he was the speaker for the evening and this was not a “Job Talk”.

He had forgotten and was not prepared. He sat at the head table, beside the Chairman for the evening, and thought about a subject during the meal.

When he was announced he spoke about sex. The members listened to every word and asked many questions. It was a success.

When he arrived home, Mary his wife, asked “How was Rotary?”

“It was a good meeting” he said.

“What was for dinner?” she asked.

“Beef, and it was good” he answered.

“Who was the speaker?” she continued.

“I was” he replied.

“What did you speak about?”

Now he can see trouble looming!

“Sailing” he lied.

The next morning Mary was shopping in town and visited the butcher who was also a Rotarian.

“Fred gave a wonderful talk last night” he said.

“Yes” said Mary, “but I don’t understand why he chose the subject. The first time he did it he was sick and the second time his hat blew off”.

The Puzzler

Answer to the last puzzler: A sponge!

Diary

Monday, 17 July: Regular meeting. Planning meeting for 2017-2018 (continued).  Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Wednesday, 19 July: Board meeting. Weston residence, 7:30 pm.

Monday, 24 July: Regular meeting. Guest speaker TBA.  Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Wednesday, 26 July: Community Drug Action Team (CDAT) meeting. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 4:00 pm.

Wednesday, 26 July: Alzheimer’s Australia NSW Healthy Brain Ageing and Memory Van visit (noon-3:00 pm). Presentation at Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30-8:00 pm.

Monday, 31 July: Regular meeting.  Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

*Partners and Guests Night

Apologies for Monday meetings: call Ian Jennings on 0428 492 157  BY FRIDAY

Ian Riseley President, 2017-18

T +1.847.866.3467F +1.847.866.3390[email protected]

Dear fellow Rotarians,

It is with the heaviest of hearts that I share the sad news that the President-elect of Rotary International, Sam F. Owori, died last night as a result of post-operative complications from a planned surgery.

In this difficult time, I ask you to keep his wife, Norah, the Owori family, and Sam’s millions of friends around the world in your thoughts.

Sam was a special person in so many ways, and his unexpected death is a huge loss to Rotary, his community, and the world. We will provide more details on plans to celebrate his life as they become available.

From the perspective of Rotary leadership, we will share information on the impact and the path forward as a result of Sam’s passing. In addition, we are establishing a memorial fund in Sam’s honor and will provide further details soon.

With enormous sadness,

Ian

Monday July 3rd 2017 Coolamon Rotary Club Change Over Dinner.

We had a great evening at the Coolamon Change Over dinner and a lot of fellowship and short speeches was the order of the night.

Thank you to IPP Don Dyce for steering the club onwards and upwards during 2016-2017.  We look forward to another wonderful year of Rotary with President Paul Weston.

Here are some photos from Monday Night July 3rd.

Click on the thumbnail pics for a larger image.

Here are some photos from the recent change over dinner for District 9700 and the Leeton Rotary Club.

The District 9700 Board of Directors

Left to Right

PDG David Kennedy The Rotary Foundation

PDG Gary Roberts Administration

PP Doug Conkey Treasurer

DGN John McKenzie Governor 2019-2020

District Governor George Weston

DGE John Glassford Governor 2018-2019

PE Marilyn Roberts Secretary

IPDG Michael Milston

PP Peter Gissing Service Projects

PP Joanne McRae Membership

PDG John Egan Public Image

Carol Weston PHF and DG’s Partner

The RI Convention in Atlanta was a huge success with 40,000+ or – delegates including yours truly.

Just posting a few photos here of the Convention.  I spent all my time in the RAGES booth and missed all the plenary sessions.  We also had a great break out session courtesy of Rotary Host Organising Committee.  It was full and they closed the doors before we started.

Here in no particular order are some of the moments I remember best:

Happy to have a chat about the event when we have the time.  Also to promote Toronto 2018 and Hamburg 2019 Conventions.  Atlanta was my 7th Rotary International Convention and as memorable as my first in 2005 at Chicago.

Week of 29 May

As this was the 5th Monday of the month, we had a special outing this week in lieu of our regular meeting.  We met at Coolamon Cheese with the Rotary Club of Temora and had a fine evening of fellowship and a fabulous meal prepared by Chef Chris of the cheese factory. Following our meal, host Barry Lillywhite led small tours of the production and cheese storage areas of the facility.  A joint fine session led by the Coolamon and Temora sergeants entertained the guests, and a raffle featuring three prizes of local produce finished off the evening.

Week of 5 June

This week’s meeting was a club assembly, so not a lot to report.  However, we did have a notable event on the evening, which was farewelling longstanding member Ian Durham, who recently sold his property in Coolamon and will be moving to be closer to his partner, Christine.  Ian has been a member of our club for 17 years, and has contributed mightily over the years, most notably by heading up the telephone directory effort three years ago.  Henk presented Ian with a farewell gift, and thanked him for year many years of service.  You’ll be missed Ian.  Best wishes in this new chapter of your life.

Reminder: No regular meeting this week (12 June)

Just a reminder that there is no regular meeting this week because of the public holiday.  Happy Birthday, your Royal Highness!

On the lighter side

Amazing technology

One day, leaning on the bar, Jack says to Mike “My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I’d better see a doctor.”

Listen, don’t waste your time down at the surgery,” Mike replies.  ‘There’s a new diagnostic computer at Bloom’s.  Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs only five bucks…..a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get club card points”.

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Bloom’s.  He deposits five dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: “You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks”.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and the cat, and jerked off into the mixture for good measure.  Jack hurried back to Bloom’s, eager to check what would happen. He deposited five dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results.

The computer whirred for a little longer than he expected and then printed the following:

1) Your tap water is too hard.  Get a water softener.
2) Your cat’s having kittens.  Get a vet.
3) Your dog has ringworm.  Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit.  Get her into rehab.
5) Your wife is pregnant with twins; they aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
…
6) And if you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better…

Thank you for shopping at Bloom’s the Chemist!

The Puzzler

What can hold water even though it has holes?

Diary

Monday, 12 June: No meeting (Queen’s birthday public holiday).

Thursday, 8 June: Bingo. Roster: Neil (Captain), Wayne, Leslie, Mark. Allawah Lodge, 6:45 (setup) for 7:30 pm.

10-14 June, 2017: Rotary International Convention, Atlanta, GA, USA.

Monday, 19 June: Regular meeting*. Guest Speaker: Lloyd Dolan, CSU School of Indigenous Australian Studies.  Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Saturday, 24 June: District 9700 changeover. Leeton (details forthcoming).

Monday, 26 June: Regular meeting. Planning meeting for President-Elect Paul’s year at the helm.  Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Monday, 3 July: Coolamon Rotary changeover. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

*Partners and Guests Night

Apologies for Monday meetings: call Ian Jennings on 0428 492 157  BY FRIDAY

Tracy our wonderful student from Mathare in Nairobi writes:

“Some of my pictures

Week of 15 May

Our guest speaker at this week’s meeting was Catherine Warren, who heads up the Riverina branch of Days for Girls, an international program to assist young women coming of age in Africa.  The focus of the group is to provide sustainable sanitary products for girls as they start their monthly cycles in order to allow them to stay involved in school and lead productive lives and not be relegated to a subservient lifestyle where they are often treated as second-class citizens (or worse) and their monthly cycle is viewed pretty much as a curse.  Local women in the shire meet once a month to sew and assemble the kits, which are distributed to girls in several African countries.  The sewing group made 50 kits over the past year, which Jan Breust presented to Catherine on the night.  Myffy thanked Catherine for a very impassioned presentation and gave her a kangaroo hide change purse as a token of thanks.

Week of 22 May

This week’s meeting featured a presentation by guest speakers Gordon Saggers and Paul Galloway, members of the Rotary Club of Wagga Wagga.  Gordon described their project in Timor L’Este, building a school for primary school children in Tutuala.  The school was desperately needed after the destruction of buildings as rebels pillaged the community as the local government took control of the area, including appropriating the tiny building that had functioned as the only school for the community.  A relatively modest expenditure of $30,000 was able to get the school built and equipped.  Gordon became aware of the needs of the community of Tutuala when he had recently visited to do free dental work for the residents of Timor L’Este (Gordon is a practicing dentist in Wagga).  Just another example of a high-impact project benefitting needy people and executed by dedicated and selfless Rotarians. Good on ya, boys! Julie Clark thanked Gordon & Paul, presenting them with a kangaroo hide coin pouch.

Reminder: No regular meeting this week (29 May)

Just a reminder that there is no regular meeting this week.  We’ll be having a social night with the Rotary Club of Temora at Coolamon Cheese.

On the lighter side

International one-upsmanship
Recently, Germany conducted some scientific exploration involving their best scientists. Core drilling samples of earth were taken to a depth of 50 m and during the core examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered. After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. So they ordered their own scientists to take their core samples at a depth of 100 m. From these samples, they found small pieces of glass and soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide optical fibre network.

Irish scientists were outraged. So immediately after this announcement, they ordered their scientist to take samples at a depth of 200 m but found absolutely nothing. They concluded that the ancient Irish 55,000 years ago were an even more advanced civilisation, as they already had a mobile telephone network in place.

The Puzzler

The Puzzler is on stress leave this week as he recovers from the rigours of work. Maybe next week…

Answer to last puzzle

The trees were arranged in a star pattern, with trees located at each point of the star and at the intersections of each line connecting the points to each other.

Diary

Monday, 29 May*: Social Night (5th Monday), joint with Temora Rotary. Coolamon Cheese, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Monday, 5 June: Club assembly. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Monday, 12 June: No meeting (Queen’s birthday public holiday).

Thursday, 8 June: Bingo. Roster: Neil (Captain), Wayne, Leslie, Mark. Allawah Lodge, 6:45 (setup) for 7:30 pm.

10-14 June, 2017: Rotary International Convention, Atlanta, GA, USA.

Saturday, 24 June: District 9700 changeover. Leeton (details forthcoming).

Monday, 3 July: Coolamon Rotary changeover. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

*Partners and Guests Night

Apologies for Monday meetings: call Ian Jennings on 0428 492 157  BY FRIDAY

Week of 8 May

Another slow news week for Coolamon, but lots of plans are being laid (for the changeover, DISCON 2018, bingo, etc.).  We have an interesting speaker for the upcoming meeting on 15 May (Catherine Warren, who heads up Days for Girls, a program to assist young women coming of age in Africa).

On the lighter side

As a older man was driving down the freeway, his mobile phone rang. He answered the phone, and heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Route 290. Please be careful!”

“Hell,” said Herman, “It’s not just one car. There’s hundreds of them!!!”

The Puzzler

The government pays farmers a fee of $100 for each row of four trees they plant. An enterprising but dishonest farmer found a way of planting five rows of four trees using only ten trees. Can you work out how he did it?

Answer to last puzzle

The pictograms interpreted: 1) jack-in-the-box; 2) first aid; 3) eggs over easy; 4) for instance; 5) green with envy; 6) fat chance; 7) bigfoot; 8) sideshow; 9) travel overseas; 10) a friend in deed.

Diary

Monday, 15 May*: Regular meeting and guest speaker: Catherine Warren, Days for Girls, a Uniting Church Ladies Project. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Wednesday, 17 May: Board meeting. Don Dyce/Sally Farmer residence, 7:00 pm.

Monday, 22 May*: Regular meeting and guest speaker: Paul Galloway and Gordon Saggers, RC of Wagga, school project in East Timor. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Thursday, 25 May: Bingo brainstorm meeting, Grahame & Sharon Miles’ residence, 7:30 pm.

Monday, 29 May*: Social Night (5th Monday). Coolamon Cheese, 6:30 for 7 pm (details forthcoming).

Monday, 5 June: Club assembly. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Monday, 12 June: No meeting (Queen’s birthday public holiday).

Thursday, 8 June: Bingo. Roster: Neil (Captain), Wayne, Leslie, Mark. Allawah Lodge, 6:45 (setup) for 7:30 pm.

10-14 June, 2017: Rotary International Convention, Atlanta, GA, USA.

Saturday, 24 June: District 9700 changeover. Leeton (details forthcoming).

Monday, 3 July: Coolamon Rotary changeover. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

*Partners and Guests Night

Apologies for Monday meetings: call Ian Jennings on 0428 492 157  BY FRIDAY

Week of 1 May

It’s been a slow news week, and yours truly has been overloaded with work, so there is no bulletin for this week.  The diary has been updated, but that’s it.  Look for more next week!

Week of 24 April

This week’s meeting featured as guest speaker Jeremy Crocker, a Coolamon local who wears a variety of hats. Jeremy is a Coolamon Shire Councillor, but also manages the noxious weed control program for the shire. Interestingly, Jeremy came to speak to us in neither of those capacities, but as the chair of Coolamon Landcare, another of his hats! Jeremy described some of the projects being undertaken by the group, and shared some information about land development projects on the books for Coolamon. But Jeremy couldn’t stay away from his passion, fighting weeds, and then spent a bit of time talking about some of the major weed problems in the shire and some of the strategies being used to manage the more serious weeds. As there were a fair number of farmers and a weed scientist in the audience, this led to some interesting discussion about weed management. Who would have guessed? Steve Exton thanked Jeremy for an interesting and entertaining talk, and presented Jeremy with a kangaroo-hide coin pouch as token of appreciation. Following a rousing fine session led by Wayne and Dick, the evening concluded with a raffle of a commemorative ANZAC Day tin packed with ANZAC biscuits donated by Paul. Jeremy drew his own number out of the hat, but donated the prize back, which was eventually won by Neil.

On the lighter side

Horsing around
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.

Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.

A guy is walking through the country when he spots a sign that reads, “Talking Horse for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks up to the stable to check it out. “So what have you done with your life?” he asks the horse. “I’ve led a full life,” the horse answers miraculously. “I was born in The Andes where I herded for an entire village. Years later, I joined the mounted police force in New York and helped keep the city clean. And now, I spend my days giving free rides to underprivileged kids here in the country.” The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the horse’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of such an incredible animal?” The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that stuff!”

Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe?
A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

A pony goes to the doctor and tells him, “Doc, I think I’m dying. I have this terrible sore throat.” The doctor assures him, “It’s okay—you’re just a little horse.”

A horse sits down in a movie theatre and the woman next to him asks, “Excuse me… are you a horse?”
“Why yes, I am,” replies the horse.
“What are you doing at this movie?”
The horse says, “I really liked the book.”

A desperado rides into town and downs a few drinks at the saloon. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. The desperado swears, steps back into the bar, and fires a round into the piano. The room goes dead silent. “I’m gonna have one more beer,” the desperado bellows to the terrified crowd, “and if my horse ain’t back where I left him when I’m done, I’ll do here what I had to do in Houston.” The locals murmur uneasily as the desperado sips his drink. Lucky for them all, when he steps outside again his horse has been returned. As the desperado saddles up, a local can’t help but ask, “Sir, what exactly was it you had to do in Houston?” The desperado narrows his eyes and hisses at the man, “I had to walk home.”

Q: How do you make a small fortune breeding horses?
A: Start with a large fortune.

And last but not least…A horse walks into a bar and the barman says “Why the long face?

The Puzzler

Can you work out the common word or phrase contained in the following pictograms?
1.
2. 

3. 

4. 

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Answer to last puzzle

The missing number is 9.  The numbers in the triangles are the sum of the bottom two numbers minus the top number.

Diary

Monday, 1 May: Club assembly. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Monday, 7 May: Planning meeting/DISCON 2018. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Thursday, 10 May: Bingo. Roster: Paul (Captain), Leslie, Garth, John N. Allawah Lodge, 6:45 (setup) for 7:30 pm.

Monday, 15 May*: Regular meeting and guest speaker: Catherine Warren, Days for Girls, a Uniting Church Ladies Project. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Wednesday, 17 May: Board meeting. Don Dyce/Sally Farmer residence, 7:00 pm.

Monday, 22 May*: Regular meeting and guest speaker: Paul Galloway and Gordon Saggers, RC of Wagga, school project in East Timor. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Thursday, 25 May: Bingo brainstorm meeting, Grahame & Sharon Miles’ residence, 7:30 pm.

Monday, 29 May*: Social Night (5th Monday). Coolamon Cheese, 6:30 for 7 pm (details forthcoming).

Thursday, 8 June: Bingo. Roster: Neil (Captain), Wayne, Leslie, Mark. Allawah Lodge, 6:45 (setup) for 7:30 pm.

10-14 June, 2017: Rotary International Convention, Atlanta, GA, USA.

Saturday, 24 June: District 9700 changeover. Leeton (details forthcoming).

Monday, 3 July: Coolamon Rotary changeover. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

*Partners and Guests Night

Apologies for Monday meetings: call Ian Jennings on 0428 492 157  BY FRIDAY