Coolamon Rotary News Bulletin #1617-34

Week of 1 May

It’s been a slow news week, and yours truly has been overloaded with work, so there is no bulletin for this week.  The diary has been updated, but that’s it.  Look for more next week!

 

Week of 24 April

This week’s meeting featured as guest speaker Jeremy Crocker, a Coolamon local who wears a variety of hats. Jeremy is a Coolamon Shire Councillor, but also manages the noxious weed control program for the shire. Interestingly, Jeremy came to speak to us in neither of those capacities, but as the chair of Coolamon Landcare, another of his hats! Jeremy described some of the projects being undertaken by the group, and shared some information about land development projects on the books for Coolamon. But Jeremy couldn’t stay away from his passion, fighting weeds, and then spent a bit of time talking about some of the major weed problems in the shire and some of the strategies being used to manage the more serious weeds. As there were a fair number of farmers and a weed scientist in the audience, this led to some interesting discussion about weed management. Who would have guessed? Steve Exton thanked Jeremy for an interesting and entertaining talk, and presented Jeremy with a kangaroo-hide coin pouch as token of appreciation. Following a rousing fine session led by Wayne and Dick, the evening concluded with a raffle of a commemorative ANZAC Day tin packed with ANZAC biscuits donated by Paul. Jeremy drew his own number out of the hat, but donated the prize back, which was eventually won by Neil.

 

On the lighter side

Horsing around
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.

Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.

A guy is walking through the country when he spots a sign that reads, “Talking Horse for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks up to the stable to check it out. “So what have you done with your life?” he asks the horse. “I’ve led a full life,” the horse answers miraculously. “I was born in The Andes where I herded for an entire village. Years later, I joined the mounted police force in New York and helped keep the city clean. And now, I spend my days giving free rides to underprivileged kids here in the country.” The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the horse’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of such an incredible animal?” The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that stuff!”

Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe?
A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

A pony goes to the doctor and tells him, “Doc, I think I’m dying. I have this terrible sore throat.” The doctor assures him, “It’s okay—you’re just a little horse.”

A horse sits down in a movie theatre and the woman next to him asks, “Excuse me… are you a horse?”
“Why yes, I am,” replies the horse.
“What are you doing at this movie?”
The horse says, “I really liked the book.”

A desperado rides into town and downs a few drinks at the saloon. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. The desperado swears, steps back into the bar, and fires a round into the piano. The room goes dead silent. “I’m gonna have one more beer,” the desperado bellows to the terrified crowd, “and if my horse ain’t back where I left him when I’m done, I’ll do here what I had to do in Houston.” The locals murmur uneasily as the desperado sips his drink. Lucky for them all, when he steps outside again his horse has been returned. As the desperado saddles up, a local can’t help but ask, “Sir, what exactly was it you had to do in Houston?” The desperado narrows his eyes and hisses at the man, “I had to walk home.”

Q: How do you make a small fortune breeding horses?
A: Start with a large fortune.

And last but not least…A horse walks into a bar and the barman says “Why the long face?

 

The Puzzler

Can you work out the common word or phrase contained in the following pictograms?
1.
2. 

3. 

4. 

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

 

Answer to last puzzle

The missing number is 9.  The numbers in the triangles are the sum of the bottom two numbers minus the top number.

 

Diary

Monday, 1 May: Club assembly. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Monday, 7 May: Planning meeting/DISCON 2018. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Thursday, 10 May: Bingo. Roster: Paul (Captain), Leslie, Garth, John N. Allawah Lodge, 6:45 (setup) for 7:30 pm.

Monday, 15 May*: Regular meeting and guest speaker: Catherine Warren, Days for Girls, a Uniting Church Ladies Project. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Wednesday, 17 May: Board meeting. Don Dyce/Sally Farmer residence, 7:00 pm.

Monday, 22 May*: Regular meeting and guest speaker: Paul Galloway and Gordon Saggers, RC of Wagga, school project in East Timor. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Thursday, 25 May: Bingo brainstorm meeting, Grahame & Sharon Miles’ residence, 7:30 pm.

Monday, 29 May*: Social Night (5th Monday). Coolamon Cheese, 6:30 for 7 pm (details forthcoming).

Thursday, 8 June: Bingo. Roster: Neil (Captain), Wayne, Leslie, Mark. Allawah Lodge, 6:45 (setup) for 7:30 pm.

10-14 June, 2017: Rotary International Convention, Atlanta, GA, USA.

Saturday, 24 June: District 9700 changeover. Leeton (details forthcoming).

Monday, 3 July: Coolamon Rotary changeover. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

*Partners and Guests Night

Apologies for Monday meetings: call Ian Jennings on 0428 492 157  BY FRIDAY

Coolamon Rotary News Bulletin #1617-33

Weeks of 10 & 17 April

(this issue is a combined issue for two weeks since we had no meeting on 17 April because of the public holiday)

The meeting of 17 April featured the induction of our newest member, Julie Clark. Julie’s mentor, Wayne Lewis, introduced Julie to the members and presented Julie with her dinner badge and Rotary pin after Don performed the formal induction. Julie is keen to get involved in club activities and will be part of the committee to review our bingo program and brainstorm ideas for the future. Welcome to the club, Julie!

 

Easter markets a big success!

Easter Saturday saw the town of Coolamon come alive with hundreds of visitors and scores of hot rods that paraded down the main street and lined up in the carpark outside the Sport and Rec Club. Our annual Easter Markets took place in the Up-To-Date Store and featured a full house of stall holders selling everything from honey to ladies’ handbags.  The candy from the Junee Licorice and Chocolate factory was a top seller, but most stall holders left the event happy and with a lighter load than they came with.  An estimated 400-500 visitors came through the door, resulting in a generous boost to the club treasury.

A companion event, the annual Art Challenge organised by the Up-To-Date art committee, was held in the park between the two directions of traffic in the main street, and saw a dozen competitors turning ordinary chairs into works of art that were auctioned off as a fundraiser for the UTDS Art Show, to be held later this year.  The successful bidders left with one-of-a-kind works of art, but the masterpiece was the chair featuring an ANZAC Day theme painted by local sign painter Ricky Hard (it brought $250 at auction!).  Coolamon was a vibrant, buzzing town on the day, and it was great to see so many people out and about.  It was a great community event!

On the (not so) lighter side

The Puzzler

What number goes in place of the question mark in the diagram below?

Answer to last puzzle

The word that doesn’t belong is “carrot”.  All of the other words can form new words if the first and last letter of each is removed.  Try that with “carrot”, and you’re left with “arro”, which is not a word in the English language!

 

Diary

Monday, 24 April*: Regular meeting and guest speaker: Jeremy Crocker, chair of Coolamon Landcare. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Sunday, 30 April: District 9700 Assembly/Director Training (All Directors). West Wyalong High School 10:00 am – 3:00 pm.

Monday, 1 May: Planning meeting. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Monday, 15 May*: Regular meeting and guest speaker: Catherine Warren, Days for Girls, a Uniting Church Ladies Project. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Monday, 22 May*: Regular meeting and guest speaker: Paul Galloway and Gordon Saggers, RC of Wagga, school project in East Timor. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Monday, 29 May*: Social Night (5th Monday). Coolamon Cheese, 6:30 for 7 pm (details forthcoming).

10-14 June, 2017: Rotary International Convention, Atlanta, GA, USA.

Monday, 3 July: Coolamon Rotary changeover. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

*Partners and Guests Night

Apologies for Monday meetings: call Ian Jennings on 0428 492 157  BY FRIDAY 12:00 pm.

Coolamon Rotary News Bulletin #1617-32

Week of 3 April

This week’s meeting was a club assembly, and a number of important issues were addressed.  A roster was begun for the markets at the Up-To-Date Store on Easter Saturday, but more help is needed.  Members who were unable to attend the meeting but are still keen to help out on the day are requested to contact Paul to get your name on the roster.  Members are asked to consider attending the upcoming Bingo, which will take place on Thursday, 13 April.  Also, board members are reminded to put date of Sunday, 30 April in their diaries; that’s the date of the district training session for incoming directors.  The event will take place in West Wyalong from 10 am through 3 pm; a formal programme will be distributed in the near future.  Should be an interesting day!

We’ll be inducting Julie Clark at Monday’s meeting, so please plan to be there (and bring your partner!).

 

On the lighter side

This week we have a laugh at the expense of musos, especially those that play instruments that are not universally loved.  Read on and enjoy…

A young child says to his mother, “Mom, when I grow up I’d like to be a musician.” She replies, “Well honey, you know you can’t do both.”

Q: How do you make musicians complain?
A: Pay them.

Q: What’s the difference between a pianist and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s a pianist.

Q: What’s the difference between terrorists and accordion players?
A: Terrorists have sympathisers.

Q: How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change it and five to sing about how good the old one was

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A: A tattoo.

Q: What’s the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

Q: What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q: What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?
A: A flat miner

Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?
A: It saves time in the long run.

Q: What’s the difference between a folk guitar player and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: What is another term for trombone?
A: A wind driven, manually operated pitch approximator.

Q: What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
A: When you toss a banjo into the bin and it hits an accordion.

Q: What will you never say about a banjo player?
A: “That’s the banjo player’s Porsche.”

Q: How are a banjo player and a blind javelin thrower alike?
A: Both command immediate attention and alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.

Tuba Player: “Did you hear my last recital?”
Friend: “I hope so.”

The puzzler

One of the words in the following list does not belong. Can you pick it?

seventy
brawl
clover
proper
carrot
swing
change
travel
sacred
stone

Answer to the last Puzzler:

If you mix hydrochloric acid and sodium hydroxide together in equal amounts, the acid neutralises the base and you’re left with a solution of sodium chloride (salt water), which is harmless to drink (in moderate amounts!).

 

Diary

Monday, 10 April*: Regular meeting (and induction of Julie Clark). Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Thursday, 13 April: Bingo. Allawah Lodge, 6:45 for 7 pm. Ian J (Captain), Don, John B, Daryl.

Saturday, 15 April: Easter markets. Up-To-Date Store, 9:00 am – 2:00 pm.

Monday, 17 April: No meeting (public holiday).

Wednesday, 19 April: Board meeting. Don Dyce residence, 7 pm.

Monday, 24 April*: Regular meeting and guest speaker: Jeremy Crocker, chair of Coolamon Landcare. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Sunday, 30 April: District 9700 Assembly/Director Training (All Directors). West Wyalong High School 10:00 am – 3:00 pm.

Monday, 15 May*: Regular meeting and guest speaker: Catherine Warren, Days for Girls, a Uniting Church Ladies Project. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Monday, 22 May*: Regular meeting and guest speaker: Paul Galloway and Gordon Saggers, RC of Wagga, school project in East Timor. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

10-14 June, 2017: Rotary International Convention, Atlanta, GA, USA.

Monday, 3 July: Coolamon Rotary changeover. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

*Partners and Guests Night

Apologies for Monday meetings: call Ian Jennings on 0428 492 157  BY FRIDAY 12:00 pm.

Coolamon Rotary News Bulletin #1617-31

Week of 27 March

Another great meeting!  A bit more subdued than last week’s affair, but still a great opportunity for fellowship and learning a bit more about our newest member, Julie Clark (Julie has been accepted into membership, but won’t be inducted for another week or two).  Julie has got to have one of the most interesting life stories of all our members, and has held interesting jobs everywhere from Tasmania to Perth (and many points in between!).  One of her more surprising occupations was driving massive trucks in the mines of Western Australia.  She’s now selling honey out of Coolamon (her classification is “Purveyor of fine honey”). Julie will add yet another dimension to the club, and we look forward to her involvement.  Ian Jennings thanked Julie for a most interesting talk and presented her with a kangaroo-hide coin pouch.  The meeting concluded with a brief fine session and a raffle, which was won once again by Helen “Lucky” Lewis.

 

On the lighter side

All the stories in our bulletin are fair dinkum, but there were many news articles of dubious authenticity that appeared in the media on Saturday, 1 April, including the following (copied from BBC News):
 

1. Trump buys Irish high-rise

If you believe the Irish Times, Dublin is to get its very own “Trump Tower”. “Trump Dublin is expected to be completed by the end of 2018,” it exclusively revealed.

Extra credit should go to whoever completed the joke with a fake tweet from Donald Trump: “Bought a small tower in Dublin, Ireland. We are going to build an awesome hotel in Dublin. It will be totally great. Love Ireland! Great country! #trumpdublin”.
 

2. Russian hackers on demand

Inspired by claims that Kremlin-sponsored hackers tried to rig the US election, Russia’s foreign ministry shared “a new answering machine for Russian diplomatic missions abroad” on Facebook.

“To arrange a call from a Russian diplomat to your political opponent, press 1,” the fake switchboard message suggests. Your other options? “Press 2 to use the services of Russian hackers”, or 3 “to request election interference.”

3. Germany to go GMT

The scamps at the UK’s German embassy tweeted that Germans would shortly vote to “leave, or remain in” Central European Time (CET). “A replica of the Shepherd Gate Clock in Greenwich would be placed atop the World Time Clock in Alexanderplatz, Berlin, in a frivolous symbolic gesture,” the writer deadpanned.

The clues were there for linguists, however – the surname of the “government spokesperson” quoted – Frau Sommerzeit – translates as “Summertime”.
 

4. Triple-decker plane

Emirates airline almost had us going with the claim that it’s planning to unveil a triple-decker plane. Why? Time zones. The UAE gets to 1 April before the UK and without that all-important date-stamp… could it possibly – somehow – be true?

No, is the answer. The Dubai-based carrier has not designed a plane including “a swimming pool, games room, gym & park”.

 

5. Canine cabin crew

Meanwhile in the Antipodes… Virgin Australia will be the first airline in the world to employ dogs as cabin staff, the company announced on Twitter.

While less useful in an emergency, these little guys might have been a loveable distraction at 40,000

feet.

 

The puzzler

Hydrochloric acid is a corrosive, fuming, poisonous, highly acidic solution of hydrogen chloride (HCl). Sodium hydroxide is a caustic, strongly alkaline compound (NaOH) used in drain cleaners. If ingested, hydrochloric acid corrodes the mucous membranes, esophagus, and stomach causing dysphagia, nausea, circulatory failure and death. Sodium hydroxide, if ingested, will cause vomiting, prostration, and collapse. Why is it that if you mix these two substances in the right proportions before ingesting them you will not have any poisoning symptoms?

Answer to the last Puzzler:

You were 1 km from the North pole, and walked in a straight line directly toward the pole, then continued in a straight line for one more km.
 

Diary

Monday, 3 April: Club assembly. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Monday, 10 April: Regular meeting. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Thursday, 13 April: Bingo. Allawah Lodge, 6:45 for 7 pm. Ian J (Captain), Don, John B, Daryl.

Saturday, 15 April: Easter markets. Up-To-Date Store, 9:00 am – 2:00 pm.

Monday, 17 April: No meeting (public holiday).

Wednesday, 19 April: Board meeting. Don Dyce residence, 7 pm.

Monday, 24 April: Regular meeting. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

Sunday, 30 April: District 9700 Assembly (All Directors). West Wyalong High School 9:00 am.

10-14 June, 2017: Rotary International Convention, Atlanta, GA, USA.

Monday, 3 July: Coolamon Rotary changeover. Coolamon Sport & Rec Club, 6:30 for 7 pm.

*Partners and Guests Night

Apologies for Monday meetings: call Ian Jennings on 0428 492 157  BY FRIDAY 12:00 pm.